What’s Your Damage? He Won’t Grow Up

Posted on July 27, 2009 
Filed Under What's Your Damage?

People are strange, and no one knows it better than Heather, our resident smart-mouthed, drink-slingin’, sociologist. Join her adventures in the ridiculous, hilarious, and grotesque, on a quest to understand just what makes us Bay Area weirdos tick.

Vol. 2: He Won’t Grow Up

“I know he used to do nice stuff for you, but what has he done for you late-ly?!”
Listen up ladies! The 1986 prepubescent YOU may have been too busy rockin’ out to Janet Jackson to heed her warning about deadbeat boys. But I’m here to remind you: you’re hot, smart, unique, and classy—one of the Bay Area’s finest. You deserve a man who compliments you in all your grandeur. If your guy seems a little less commitment-oriented and a lot more K-Fed, he may be suffering from a Peter Pan Complex.

peter_pan6Peter Pan Complex:  A man who refuses to grow up—a metaphor for childishness.

But just because your guy isn’t altar and baby ready right now doesn’t mean he never will be. I’ve often heard the Bay Area referred to as Never Never Land because it seems we wait longer on average to do those things. Taking it slow is good. Holding you back is not! So, how can you be sure that you have a Peter Pan on your hands before you kick him to the curb? Try asking yourself:

How does he treat you?
Does he complain that you’re acting more like his mother than his girlfriend when you ask him for the rent that he’s owed you for the past few months? (Ya think there’s a correlation to the “mother” card and Peter Pans? I’m just sayin’…)

What are his interests?
Do you come home to find him passed out on the couch next to his vaporizer, encrusted in Cheetos, and smelling like Shlitz more often than you find him preparing your favorite dinner or anything else that truly turns you on?

How does he carry himself?
Does he don a popped collar (or two) and introduce himself with a fist bump?  Does he refuse to replace those old holey boxers because his, “mama always sends new ones ‘round the holidays”?

If any of this sounds familiar, run for the hills sister!  There, there. I know it’s a kick in the lady balls when you realize one day that you’re dating a Peter Pan. And you may be inclined to say, “But Heather! I looooove him!” I know you do. But back away Mary Kay! Unfortunately, you can’t change a Peter Pan into a man. Try, and you risk being the quintessential nag, and that just won’t do—you classy lady, you. Don’t sell yourself short—go get yourself a grown-up guy!

Are you a recovered Wendy or know someone with a Peter Pan on her hands? Comment and tell me your anti-fairytale stories!

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Comments

9 Responses to “What’s Your Damage? He Won’t Grow Up”

  1. sharon wood on July 28th, 2009 9:47 am

    Hi Ladies, I was married to a Peter Pan guy and he thought he was God’s gift to ALL women. Wait on me 24-7. Needless to say I kicked him to the curb and he still hasn’t changed. Don’t sell yourself short, there are great guy’s who want to make you happy. Been there. fla girl

  2. Christopher Ryan on July 28th, 2009 10:32 am

    Coming from a semi-post-Peter Pan, don’t take our Peter Pan peanut butter! It’s tuff to wade through. Well said Heather!

  3. Cristhian on July 28th, 2009 11:13 am

    Lucky for me - I’ve never had to deal with man-kids. But ladies, they’re not hard to spot! Quit making excuses. You saw it coming (throwing popcorn at people in at theater should have stopped in junior high), and chose to ignore it. Sure he’s hot, great in bed,yadda-yadda, but seriously… so uncool to have to babysit. I’m on the lookout for my girlfriends. :-)

  4. Frank on July 28th, 2009 3:30 pm

    “Do you come home to find him passed out on the couch next to his vaporizer, encrusted in Cheetos, and smelling like Shlitz”

    I knew that was YOU outside my window with the binoculars, what can I say this is my Wednesday-hump day routine. Just wait till Friday rolls around than it’s huffing gasoline, slathering myself in Crisco, and drinking cooking sherry out of a brown bag…So like wanna go out to never never land baby? No not the MJ thing, the tranny bar! No? Oh well back to my studio apartment to masturbate while asphyxiating myself and stare at pictures of Jane Goodall, god what a babe, Jane…you would understand me…
    -Frank

  5. angela on July 28th, 2009 6:16 pm

    so true sister!

  6. Chris Carriveau on July 28th, 2009 6:34 pm

    Oh my God Heather you have totally described my relationship with my ex, just ask my sisters!! This is awesome!! When you start off in those relationships you feel like you are on a cloud just like in Peter Pan. And you tell yourself this is great, I found a guy who knows how to have fun and let loose and just enjoy the simple things in life. You fall in love with that and feel like you can fly. But seriously you need to tell these boys get a job, pay a bill without having to call Momma, make a decision on your own FOR GOD’S SAKE!!!

  7. Burrow on July 29th, 2009 6:53 am

    You have hit the nail on the head. This is so true for so many relationships. Keep writing your eye opening truth. Great Job!!!

  8. Jenni Bussinger on July 29th, 2009 7:32 pm

    LOVE IT! SOOOOOO MANY chicas put up with this shit for far too long! I always seem to have to be the one that brings it to there attention. P.S. loved the Mary Kay link!!!!!

  9. Guillermo on August 3rd, 2009 6:13 pm

    Wait a minute, the last time I went to dizzyland the women were buying tinker bell trinkits.They just love her,Why? I don’t even remember seeing Windy anywhere. So is tinker bell the female who can’t see through peter pan and would do anything for him? Or is she the female version of endless childhood? I guess my point is that those boy exist because of the girl. So if we don’t date boys or girls ( you sould know from day one) but rather men and women then Peter Pan remains a childhood story. But who can say no to some fun…

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