Dear Tranny: Love Boot Camp

Posted on June 29, 2009 
Filed Under Dear Tranny, Lifestyle

Advice is a drag, unless you’re seeking guidance from Culturcosm’s campy counselor. Looking for insider know-how on making the best of the Bay? Dear Tranny has just what you need and she always gives it up. Penned by Sandra O. Noshi-Di’n't.deartranny_masthead
Vol. 11: Love Boot Camp

qDear Tranny,

I was in love with a boy for a year. He made me breakfast while I slept, wrote me love letters, and hung on my every word. We played together, laughed together; it was a dream. But at some point in time he became detached from me. He begun putting his friends and hobbies before me, and would never seem to want to hang out. We were boyfriends, and we were in love, so I didn’t think much of it because I knew he’d still be there for me at the end of the night. But soon, it became apparent to both of us that tides were turning, and our love came to a crashing halt. In the haste of human emotion, we ended the relationship via text warfare.

I spent the next two weeks attempting to talk to him about it and he was robotic, non responsive, and disinterested. I was absolutely devastated that this boy who bragged about having me at his side, who bought me flowers and adored me, could so easily and casually drop me from his life while I was standing there with a bleeding heart. Thoughts and insecurities enveloped me. Was he never really in love with me? Did I do something wrong? How could he not feel this hurt that I am feeling!? I still tried to get closure from him but he just wouldn’t let out his emotion; he would not tell me anything he was feeling.

Days turned into weeks and I wanted to move on with my life, but could not. I am in love. I feel like I cannot begin to love another because I still love him. My friends tell me, “oh just forget him” but I can’t! Is it wrong that I am human? I know he has moved on, which makes my struggle even that more desperate and difficult. I feel like I have been played— a fool, a sucker, for love. Dear Tranny, how do I stop loving someone who no longer loves me?

Little Red Riding Hood

aDear Little Red,

I feel your pain, boo. Even Miss Sandra has had her share of heartaches and tranny tribulations before becoming a trantastic trooper! That’s why I’m going to have to step into drag drill sergeant mode and let ya have it. It’s not because I’m unsympathetic, soldier; it’s because I know exactly where you’re coming from. Even though at times, I thought that might have been right out of a new Lifetime original movie.

The first thing you should realize is one of the most important lessons I’ve learned about life: we are not responsible for what other people think. Let this be your new mantra. With that in mind, whether your ex-boyfriend has moved on or not should have no bearing on your relationship recovery. If you concentrate solely on that, you are allowing someone else to continue to have power over you. The focus should be on you and you alone. Moving on and getting over him will take some time, but it’s achievable.

I also noticed that you placed a lot of significance on being in love. While the feeling of being in love can be utterly amazing, it can also be like a bad high, impairing and clouding your judgment. The fact that two people are in love should not excuse either of you of bad behavior. You need to look in the mirror and reassure yourself that you’re worthy of being loved. And most importantly— Gurrrl, you need to love yo-self! Because, if you don’t, no one else will. Get my drift?

Know that sometimes a broken heart may require a professional’s aid. Therapy is a great outlet for many to work out loose ends and build the foundation for resiliency. An emotional wound is exactly like a physical wound. When the heart that you wear on your sleeve gets torn to pieces, it will take some time but it will mend. You’re no casualty of love. You’re a survivor!

Remember, Tranny knows best.

xoxo
Sandra

Have a question about Bay-area life that’s fit for a queen? Email Sandra at deartranny@culturcosm.com.

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