Dear Tranny: Ever-Lashing Love

Posted on June 17, 2009 
Filed Under Dear Tranny

Advice is a drag, unless you’re seeking guidance from Culturcosm’s campy counselor. Looking for insider know-how on making the best of the Bay? Dear Tranny has just what you need and she always gives it up. Penned by Sandra O. Noshi-Di’n't.deartranny_masthead
Vol. 10: Ever-Lashing Love

qDear Tranny,

I love me some eyelashes like the next gal, but alas, my genes yielded me less-than-lush lashes. I am a total drag queen in a female’s body, but I have yet to master the fake lash. I’ve bought the cheap ones and even the super spendy ones (including some delicious feathery red ones!). It doesn’t seem to matter. They all fall off before I can even get my first flirty wink in! What am I doing wrong?

Lashing Out

aDear Lashing,

You may have been born with demure lashes, but you don’t have to settle for anything less than dramatic. I just wouldn’t even think of getting into face without mine. A bold lash is a must. As Tranny’s late, great lash icon Tammy Faye once mused, without eyelashes you just wouldn’t be you!

Many false eyelash manufacturers fail to mention the importance of adhesive in their directions. The light adhesive that false eyelashes are treated with is not strong enough to make a lasting stick. Whether you’re opting for realism or you’re ready to attempt the tantalizing tarantula, the key is lash glue.

Let Tranny be your guide to reclaiming your wink. Make sure to start with a very steady hand. Line each lash with a very thin coat of lash glue. Wait a minute or two for the lash glue to dry a bit, to prime it for adhesion. Starting at one corner of your eye, place the false lash as close as you can to your natural lash line, finishing it at the other corner. Having the false lashes rest on your natural lashes helps give it an extra boost.

For longer, thicker and darker lashes you won’t have to re-apply, try doctor-prescribed Latisse, the first FDA-approved solution used to grow eyelashes. A two-month supply will cost you about $120. If you want to bypass the trip to the doctor, you can try the non-prescription eyelash growth stimulator Lilash. A small tube will last you five months and cost around $140. A word of warning, my little lash lover: the solution will cause hair growth wherever it is applied. A sloppy application will increase lash length, yes, but also leave you with an unfortunate case of raccoon eye.

Here’s wishing you nothing but ever-lashing love from here on out.

Remember, Tranny knows best.

xoxo
Sandra

Have a question about Bay-area life that’s fit for a queen? Email Sandra at deartranny@culturcosm.com.

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