The Not-So-Real Housewives of Rectal, Texas

Posted on May 27, 2009 
Filed Under Mission, Theater

From the gated communities of Orange County to the strip malls of New Jersey, modern reality programming has offered us exclusive access into the lives of the spoiled, over-privileged American matriarch. Perhaps documenting the inevitable deterioration of the idealistic nuclear family of old, we are now being presented with the perfect guilty pleasure in family dynamic— the nuclear meltdown of tradition and culture. America is ready for its close-up and it ain’t that pretty a picture.

It is often said that Texas is like a whole other country. If this is to believed, then Rectal is its unequivocal, make-believe Gomorra. It is in just such a town that we find our newest guilty pleasure take shape. From the same twisted minds that brought you Attack of the Killer B-Movies and Wicker Man (a rock opera) comes a sordid tale of murder, mayhem and makeovers. The titular Stale Magnolias are a gaggle of Aquanet-loving, sweet tea-dependent women who are as much a product of their environment as they are a victim of it. CC Chesterfield (played by Julia Mitchell, the play’s only faux queen) is the proprietress of the Last Chance Salon, through which all of Rectal comes to live and dye.

sm_pressphoto2Our hair-oines invite us on a lyrical and topsy-turvy ride equally rife with blow dries and blow outs. Will lifelong frienemies Spuvina (Arturo Galster) and Raven (Jef Valentine) survive the vitriol of their Dynasty-akin relationship? Will Rectal’s own roller girl Louisiana Morales (Rik Lopes) realize her dream of touring with the Ice Capades? Has old age taken all the dance out of Fanny’s (Sean Owens) step? And is the new bowl girl Sugar Sweetly (David Bicha) really to be trusted? It’s a bawdy, ballsy, and bald-faced farce that dares to expose America’s heartland for what it’s worth. And maybe that’s what makes it so fun to watch.

Stale Magnolias runs Saturdays and Sundays* at 8pm through June 14. Performances held at the Glama-Rama Salon, 417 South Van Ness in San Francisco. Buy tickets online here. *dark on Sunday May 31.

—Michael

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